| SEA's Lifestyle Tools: Social Support in Recovery |
SEA's Social Support in Recovery
Section 3: SEA's Tools for a Recovery Lifestyle
As presented in:
Self-Esteem Seekers Anonymous - The SEA's Program of Recovery
By James J. Messina, Ph.D.
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Google Search of jamesjmessina.com
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What is social support in recovery?
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A network of relatives and friends who provide positive feedback.
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The people in your life giving you emotional support.
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Honest confrontation as you establish a lifestyle of recovery. It consists of compliments on your success, reminders when you deviate, and understanding when you are discouraged and hurting.
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The people in your life accepting no excuses from you, but helping you to maintain your motivation and commitment to recovery.
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The people in your life (your network) pulling for you to succeed in recovery.
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Emotional support and understanding from others as you struggle with a changed lifestyle and personal growth.
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Physical support from others in restructuring your home, work site, and social life to be more conducive to your recovery efforts.
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Why is a social support network necessary in recovery?
When you are trying to recover without positive reinforcement from your social support system, you often:
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Lose interest in your efforts.
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Feel like your efforts go un-rewarded.
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Lose the motivation to change.
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Forget the reason for changing.
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Feel discouraged when you have hit a plateau where your changes are less apparent.
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Feel like your efforts are meaningless.
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Feel depressed because the changes require too much effort: work that is un-rewarded.
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Want to give up since there is no visible change in your life or in the ways others react to you.
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When you are trying to recover with positive reinforcement from your support systems you:
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Feel encouraged to continue sacrificing time and energy to make the changes.
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Feel motivated to continue working on the changes.
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Feel supported and cared for when you are experiencing a plateau with little visible change.
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Feel good about yourself and the efforts you are making.
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Want to pursue new paths by which you can change your lifestyle.
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Work harder and longer on your efforts to recover.
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Become more involved and interested in your recovery process.
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Become more conscientious in your efforts to change.
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Become more realistic about the time and effort needed to make the necessary changes in your life.
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How to develop a social support network
To develop a system of social support in recovery you can turn to:
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Your spouse.
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Family members.
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Relatives, including aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
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Neighbors.
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Close friends.
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Co-workers.
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Social contacts.
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Members at church, synagogue, or temple
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Classmates
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How far can you allow your social support system to go in your recovery process
You can give those in your social support system permission to:
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Give open and honest feedback concerning your progress and efforts to change.
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Positively reinforce you for your efforts to change rather than just reinforce the changes yourself.
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Assist in monitoring your efforts to change.
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Listen and be understanding when you are depressed over an apparent lack of progress.
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Kick you in the butt when needed to keep you on track.
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Accept you in your new lifestyle and to continue to reinforce you in these changes.
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Point out needed alterations in your lifestyle without nagging, harping, complaining, or criticizing.
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Compliment your efforts to recover and the resulting changes without overemphasis on the changes themselves.
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Irrational thinking keeping you from seeking social support in your recovery
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I should be able to do this on my own.
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It is a sign of weakness to ask others for support.
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It is embarrassing to let others know of my personal weaknesses.
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You should never burden anyone else with your feelings or personal concerns.
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People who know a lot about me or my life can take advantage of me.
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People are basically self-centered and selfish; they don't really care about me.
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I don't need others to help me change my life.
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People are always trying to get me to conform to their ways of thinking, acting, and believing.
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If I let others know what I am trying to do, they will always be on my back.
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I hate to be reminded of things I know I need to be doing for myself.
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What you can do to create a social support system to assist your recovery with members in your group or 12 step program
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Share telephone numbers with your support group and 12 step group members
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Call one another during the week to reinforce each other's efforts.
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Call one another when you are discouraged.
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Celebrate each other's progress and efforts.
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Encourage one another to stick to the program of recovery.
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Take each other seriously and provide support when discouraged or weakening.
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Be tough with one another so that when the going gets rough you can confront each other to stay on track.
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Reward each other's attendance at group meetings and recognize that just being there is a sign of wanting to change.
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Openly admit how hard it is to change one's lifestyle.
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Brainstorm and share tips on what works in getting through the rough stages and plateaus in the recovery process.
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Share insights and information to make the recovery process more palatable.
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Give permission to confront each other in order to re-focus on the serious and difficult task of recovery and change.
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Maintain and encourage a sense of humor during the re-adjustment time of recovery lifestyle change.
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NOTE: For more information on developing healthy support relationships in recovery, look at Tools for Communications, Tools for Relationships and Tools for Handling Control Issues
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