EULOGY By Jim Messina, Paulette's Brother
On October 12, 1968, Paulette married the love of her life Richard. Which was the start of almost 35 full years of love, hope, success, and challenges. The riches of their lives were their two daughters Sarah Ann and Mary Kate. Their high points were the graduation of their two girls from High School, College and this year from Graduate School. Their sorrows were the loss of Richard’s father and mother and Paulette’s father. Added to this was the loss of so many of their relatives and friends. The added burden was Paulette’s brittle diabetes, amputation and at the end her cancer and system breakdown. Paulette had a strong heart and she fought a valiant fight to the end. She loved Richard so much that her last goal in life was achieved with her “Richie” at her bedside at her death. Richard as you go on from this day, I want you to remember these words from Proverbs 31 about Paulette. You can be so proud of your wife for her contribution to your life together, to your family and home life, and your wonderful two daughters.
Proverbs 31 reads:
1-3
When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize
She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
17-18
She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.
She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.
25-26
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.
28-31
Her children rise up and praises her; her husband, too, extol her:
“Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.”
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
(From The New American Bible, St. Joseph Edition)
Paulette Messina Scafetta, was Richard’s wife, was Sarah Ann and Mary Kate’s mother, was Lucille’s and my sister, was aunt to many and was a woman of great worth to a myriad array of relatives, friends, community, and work colleagues.
Paulette was born on September 25, 1941 to Gilda and Paul Messina. With in only three and a half short years Paulette needed to be girted with strength and dignity with the birth of her new brother me. My mother and father looked at their young daughter as a built in protector, guidance counselor, traffic director, and surrogate parent for me. “Pawett” was housemother, cook, nurse, and maid to me until I entered High School. She was always there to tell me what I could and could not or should and should not do. We spent hours in window-shopping, movie going, and riding the bus to the various schools we attended. She was the most responsible, mature, and grown-up kid I ever met. While I worked at mom and dad’s restaurant, Paulette managed the household and kept it clean, neat and fully stocked. Eleven years after my birth, along came Lucille, who became Paulette’s new charge and responsibility. Paulette was the proverbial caregiver, everyone came before her in order of importance and need.
Paulette and I had a life-bond, which was unique and started at my birth. It was the emotional tether, which kept us in spirit with one another. Although we were not physically close, our emotional and psychic closeness was pronounced and we were able to feel each other’s pain even if we were not present to see it. We could fight like “cats and dogs” but our bond of love was strong as witnessed by the beauty of our last ten days together this January. I fortunately had a God given opportunity to spend ten full days with Paulette at Mercy Hospital. I was there before her surgery on January 10th on which day she was able to make closure with each one of us at her bedside: Richard, Mary Kate, Sarah in spirit, Lucille and myself. We prayed, shared thoughts and closed anything, which needed to be closed prior to their taking her to the surgery. She survived the surgery but due to her compromised health she remained in ICU until my last day with her January 17th. We said our good bys on that day knowing that it was our last time to be face to face on earth. We came to closure knowing that we loved each other unconditionally and that we shared a life-long gift, which I will treasure for the rest of my life.
Richard, Mary Kate, Stacy, Louise and Lucille continued the bedside vigil till her end on February 9th. We all who were privileged to spend these last hours with Paulette know that she fought a valiant fight to the end. She did not deserve the pain and suffering she experienced and we are all relieved that God finally agreed to let her be at rest in Him.
Paulette had just recently retired as the attendance secretary for the Hamburg Middle School, Hamburg, NY, where she was employed for the past fifteen years. She was also an active member of the Union for non-teaching staff for the District organizing many professional staff development days. Paulette was a member of the P.T.A. for many years organizing many successful events for the students in the Hamburg District. Paulette loved her role in the school system. She was very involved with the lives of the staff and students. Due to her role in the Hamburg School District our family has set up an annual scholarship to be given to a deserving student who has chosen the path of administrative and support service which Paulette followed her entire life.
Paulette was a leader. She was charismatic and she was my hero. I would do anything to help her be recognized for her skills, abilities, and competencies. When I was completing my first year of college, in 1965, I got a group of my fellow classmates at the Little Seminary in Buffalo to assist me in helping Paulette campaign for the presidency of the Buffalo Diocesan CYAC. Her campaign theme was “Everything’s Coming up Roses for Paulette and the CYAC.” I had my seminarian friends hand out over 3000 paper roses at the convention. We sang her theme song on tape, which we ran obnoxiously all during the convention. You can imagine that everything did come up Roses for Paulette. During her Presidential tenure she ran many conventions and traveled to Ecuador, South America, for two months.
After graduating from Notre Dame High School in Batavia, Paulette attended Bryant and Stratton and received her degree in business. Shortly after that she worked for the United States Air Force and for United States Department of Social Security. All her family members fondly remember the ease with which she would rattle off pertinent Social Security information that would assist them in their long-term planning for their retirement. She had an incredible gift for memory of the minutest details, which she could retrieve years later to the chagrin of those who would have preferred her to forget.
What was so impressive about Paulette was her loyalty to her husband, daughters, family members and friends. Some of her closest friends can give you testimony to such a close friendship.
She was an avid crafter and enjoyed displaying her works of art at craft shows.
Finally to you Sarah and Mary Kate here is a Message about your mother I hope will stay with you both for the rest of your lives and the lives of your children:
The Mother's Path of Life
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked.
And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she could not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the night came, and the storm and the path were dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength."
And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know
The end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."
And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every teardrop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.. Not time, not space...not even death!
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