Home

Coping in Tough Times

Resilience in Tough Times

Stress in Tough Times

PFA-Psych 1st Aid

Chasing the Blues Away

Spirituality Needs

Compassion Fatigue

Focus on the Military

Deployment Impact

Military Family Support

Recovery from Disasters

Hurricane Katrina Story

Volunteer's Daily Log

Survivor's Perspective

Hurricane Preparedness

Tools for Coping Series

SEA's Program Intro

SEA's Self-Esteem Model

SEA's Meetings Materials

SEA's ESBT Model

SEA's Tools for Recovery

TEA System

ALERT System

ANGER System

LET GO System

CHILD System

RELAPSE System

SEA's Lifestyle Tools

SEA's Time Management

SEA's Goal Setting

SEA's Rational Thinking

SEA's Anti-Perfectionism

SEA's Emotions/Behavior

SEA's Social Support

SEA's Coping with Stress

SEA's Thought Stopping

SEA's Problem Solving

SEA's Anti-Recovery Cues

SEA's Behavioral Chains

SEA's Overcoming Behavior

SEA's Relapse Factors

SEA's Mental Imagery

SEA's Recovery Self-Image

SEA's Handling Feedback

SEA's Testing Motivation

SEA's Exercise Program

SEA's 12 Step Workbook

SEA's Step 1

SEA's Step 2

SEA's Step 3

SEA's Step 4

SEA's Step 5

SEA's Step 6

SEA's Step 7

SEA's Step 8

SEA's Step 9

SEA's Step 10

SEA's Step 11

SEA's Step 12

Laying the Foundaton

Low Self-Esteem

Dysfunctional Roles

Looking Good

Acting Out

Pulling-in

Entertaining

Troubled Person

Enabling

Rescuing

People Pleasing

Non-Feeling

Changing Old Scripts

Tools for Handling Loss

The Loss Experience

Stages of Loss

Dealing with Denial

Bargaining Behaviors

Anger in Loss

Handling Despair

Accepting Change

Letting Go of Grief

Death-Last Act of Life

Sharing Your Legacy

Tools for Personal Growth

Self-Esteem

Irrational Beliefs

Self-Affirmation

Handling Guilt

Building Trust

Handling Insecurity

Becoming Vulnerable

Become a Risk Taker

Little Child Within

Overcome Fears

Fear of Success

Overcome Perfectionism

Handling Pride

Develop Patience

Spirituality in Recovery

Accept Responsibility

Stress Reduction

Time Management

Preventing Burnout

Put Fun in Life

Tools for Relationships

Relationship Barriers

Handling Conflict

Problem Solving

Fear of Rejection

Need for Approval

Assertive Behaviors

Victim & Martyr

Power & Control Issues

Handling Competition

Goals for Relationships

Handling Intimacy

Fantasy Relationship

Forgiving & Forgetting

Healing Environment

Helping Other Get Help

Tools for Communications

Effective Communications

Listening Skills

Nonverbal Communications

Responding Communications

Problem Communications

Tools for Anger Work-Out

Steps of Anger Workout

Blocks to Anger

Handling Depression

Hostile-Sarcastic-Cynical

Pessimism & Negativity

Overcome Hatred

Handling Resentment

Negative Assumptions

Silent Withdrawal

Eliminate Revenge

Eliminate Rage

Self-Destructive Behavior

Handling Irritations

Passive Aggressiveness

Handling Confrontations

Tools for Control Issues

Need to Control

Eliminate Intimidation

Temper Idealism

Need to Fix

Caretaker Behaviors

Accept Powerlessness

Let Go of Uncontrollables

Develop Detachment

Unconditional Love

Eliminate Overdependence

Eliminate Manipulation

Overcome Helplessness

Deal with Suicide

Temper Survival Behaviors

Develop Self-Control

Growing Down-Inner Child

Inner Child Assessment

Inner Child

Dumping Negative Garbage

Feel Your Feelings

Let go Shame & Guilt

Self-Forgiveness

Self-Acceptance & Love

Self-Affirmations

Mirror Work

Re-Parenting

Overcome Invisibility

Healthy Boundaries

CHILD Visualizations

Having Fun

CHILD Play

CHILD Body Movement

CHILD Games

CHILD Creativity

CHILD Books

The CHILD System

Balanced Lifestyle

Getting Started

Exercise to Live

Eat to Live

Resistance to Change

Body Image

Impact of Abuse

Impact of Sexuality

Weight Mgt Program

Victorious Living

Scripture Witness

Witness Messages

Role of Prayer

Let Go to God's Control

Scriptural Anger Workout

Pathfinder Parenting

P-Pathfinder Principles

A-Activating Self-Esteem

T-Tracking

T1-Self-Care

T2-Environmental Issues

T3-Household Chores

T4-Electronic Devices

T5-Telephone Usage

T6-Family Time Management

T7-Family Finances

T8-Family Recreation

T9-Academics

T10-Relationships-Others

T11-Family Relationships

T12-Family Meetings

H-Hugging & Bonding

F-Formulating Consequence

I-Intervening in Losses

N-Negotiating-Advocating

D-Discussing Feelings

E-Establish Boundaries

R-Release Shame & Guilt

Early Intervention

0-5 Child Management

Diagnosing Rule Out Model

Glossary of Terms

Parent's Assessment Form

PDQ - English

PDQ-Espanol

Child History Form

Milestone Achievement

Parental Observation Form

Parent-Child Observation

Floor Time

Volunteers-Floor Time

Floor Time Presentation

Sensory Modulation

Parents of Special Kids

Handle Shock of Diagnosis

Handling Grief & Loss

Bonding with Your Child

Lifelong Normalization

Lifelong Sexuality

Spiritual Needs of All

Handling Discrimination

Communicating with Kids

Communicating with Others

Parental Advocacy

Get Parents into Ex Ed

Parent Advocate Profile

Glossary of Ex Ed Terms

Get Organized

ESE Components

Assistive Technology

Learning Disability-ADHD

Comm Disorders Inclusion

Vocatonal Education

The IEP

Communications with Staff

Parental Assertiveness

Sample Letters

Federal Laws

Parental Rights

Court Cases

Resource Books

I AM A GOOD STUDENT

I-Interest A-Activate

M - Manage

A - Affirm

G - Gather

O - Organize

O - Outline

D - Decide

S - Strategize

T - Test

U - Use

D-Do

E - Evaluate

N-Normalize

T - Try It

Leadership Development

Multicultural Competency

Cultural Immersion

Cultural Self-Assessment

Challenging Your Biases

Multicultural Resources

Haitian Resources

Improve Critical Thinking

Fallacies

Critical Thinking Links

APA Style Writing

Technical Writing Tips

Behavioral Health

Cancer Surviorship

Bleeding Disorders

Family Related

Signature Recipes

Connie's Tribute

Photo Albums

Paulette's Memorial

Who was Paulette?

Paulette Picture Album

Paulette Tributes

Paulette's Scholarship

Christian Pop Quiz

jamesjmessina.com

Helping You Become All You are Capable of Becoming

Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child
Inner Child Healing
Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child
By: James J. Messina, Ph.D. and Constance G. Messina, Ph.D.

Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child
Table of Contents

Introduction (on this page scroll down)
1. Growing Down Self-Assessment 
2.
Inner Child
3. Dumping Negative Garbage
4. Getting in Touch with Feelings
5. Letting Go of Shame and Guilt
6. Self-Forgiveness
7. Unconditional Self-Acceptance and Self-Love
8. Self-Affirmations
9. Mirror Work for Growing Down
10. Re-parenting for Growing Down
11. Overcoming Invisibility
12. Establishing Healthy Boundaries
13. Growing Down with Visualizations
14. Growing Down by Having Fun
15. "Child" Play for Growing Down
16. Growing Down with Body Movements
17. Growing Down with Children's Games
18. Growing Down with Creativity
19. Growing Down with Children's Books
20. The CHILD System

Introduction to Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child

When a person talks about INNER CHILD HEALING the first question which arises is: What are you talking about? This is fair since Inner Child is a term which means a lot of different things to different people. For our purposes here Inner Child means the person inside of yourself whom you have ignored for too long resulting in your having low self-esteem and feeling conflicted about putting too much attention on your own mental health.

Why the Term Growing Down? Why a Tools for Healing the Inner Child? 
To ensure a greater sense of recovery from low self‑esteem, the metaphor of an "inner child" is utilized here so that you can direct your emotional work on that inner part of you, your inner spirit or inner voice which you have for too long neglected, ignored, or forgotten. The inner child is the emotional part of you which you may have stuffed or hidden when you were young. Rather than having the full array of emotions or feelings of childhood you may have been a "little adult" who grew up too fast for your chronological age. Your emotional life may have been stunted as a result of this "growing up" process.
 

In order to begin to feel "good enough" you must be able to feel the full array of feelings and not just the "black" anger and "white" happy ones. You may not currently believe, feel or act in ways which promote your healthy self‑esteem. You may not like you enough to take care of yourself. The metaphor of "inner child" allows you to take care of someone smaller, more fragile, and needier than you - the little child within you. If you can't take the time to make the "adult you" feel "good enough" maybe you will be willing to help the "child you'' feel better. 


Where will you gain the strength to take care of the inner you? In the 12 step programs of recovery it is our belief that our Higher Power provides the spiritual strength it takes to take care of our inner children. It is through the joining of our inner spirit with the spirit of our Higher Power do we gain the serenity and peace needed to free the pain, hurt, sadness, and grief inside of us. By working with our Higher Power we are able to let go and hand over our negative feelings, memories, and images so that we can replace them with positive affirmations, visualizations and actions which help us move forward in self‑esteem.

Growing down is the term we use to symbolize the movement back to a feelings enriched life. In this new life we experience the joy of being alive, living one day at a time with no fear or dread of the future. In this growing down we awaken our creative spirit so that we can again enjoy playing, having fun, and relaxing. Growing down is a way in which we can prevent burnout of the spirit which can lead to relapse of the negative behavioral consequences of low self‑esteem. Growing down is a set of activities which helps us to let go of our premature “idealized adult view” of life so that we can again see life through the eyes of a child imbued with hope, enthusiasm, and excitement. Growing down is a way to learn to “live” again rather than just exist. Growing down is a set of activities to change the “sick adult” ways of thinking, feeling, and acting into a “healthy child” way.


Organization of the book

 

Chapter 1 is a self‑assessment to help you rediscover the inner child you have for too long forgotten, ignored or abandoned.

 

Chapter 2 is the definition of the Inner Child for you.

 

Chapters 3‑12 cover specific issues which will assist in the healing of your inner child:

            Chapter  3 Anger

            Chapter  4 Feeling Feelings

            Chapter  5 Shame and Guilt

            Chapter  6 Self‑Forgiveness

            Chapter  7 Unconditional Self‑acceptance and Self‑love

            Chapter  8 Self affirmations

            Chapter  9 Mirror work

            Chapter 10 Reparenting

            Chapter 11 Invisibility

            Chapter 12 Boundaries

 

Chapters 13‑19 present specific "child'' activities you can perform to give vent to the child within you:

            Chapter 13 Visualizations

            Chapter 14 Having fun

            Chapter 15 "Child'' play

            Chapter 16 Body Movement

            Chapter 17 Children's Games

            Chapter 18 Creativity

            Chapter 19 Children's books

 

Chapters 17, 18, and 19 provide references to tools, books, games, and tasks which enhance your growing down work.

 

Chapter 20 is the CHILD System of the SEA's Program.

 

This book is to be a reference text to supplement the eight books in the Tools‑for‑Coping Series. It can stand alone as the manual for treatment programs whose primary focus is on healing the inner child. We use this text in Growing Down one day workshops we conduct in Jim's private practice.

 

It is our hope you will find Growing Down a useful tool for your inner healing and self‑esteem growth. Best of luck in your use of this work.


Growing Down Special Dedication

To Charles Panepento
1919-
1991
 "Some people come into our lives
and go quickly.
Some stay for a while
and leave footprints in our hearts
and we are never the same."


 The author of these words aptly describes the influence of Uncle Chuck on our two lives. He was surrogate dad, father-
in-law, grandfather and cheerleader to our family. His infectious laughter, sense of humor and comic wit touched our "inner children" so dearly throughout our lives. It is fitting that we dedicated this book on healing the inner child to a person famous for this joke:

Why did the mouse leave home? ...
Because he found out his father was a rat.
 

We love you Uncle Chuck and miss you. May your spirit reign within us through our Inner Child work.


Document
Inner Child Healing Presentation

Songs to Use in Inner Child Healing Work

What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5IIXeR5OUI

That's What Friends are For by Stevie Wonder:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTcHT4zpAGs


You are the Sunshine of My Life by Stevie Wonder:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2XUiVwAuas


Children's Books to Use for Inner Child Healing  

  • The Little Engine that Could by Walter Piper. Grosset & Dunlop, 1978: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E9EXooqZBk
  • The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. Double Day Publishers, 1922. http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html
  • The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein. Harper & Row, 1981: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE
  • The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. Harper & Row, 1964: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE
  • The Tree that Survived the Winter by Mary Fahy. Paulist Press, 1989.

Google Search of jamesjmessina.com
× Close

©1999-2010 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D.  For more information contact Jim at jamesjmessina@gmail.com Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website. All internet resources on this site are encouraged to be reproduced on sites with similar interests and audiences.